I feel the bones beneath my skin
The thoughts of being thin
Creep through my veins
to deep inside my brain
twisting words and twisting thoughts
morphing self-loathing into art
self-worth in numbers, numbness in pain
from sanity to insane
and as the weight sheds and numbers drop
baggy clothes turn into a cover up
the loneliness sets in
right under the skin
bones will ache and living hurts
the fat is gone but the feeling’s worse
and all we think about is what to eat
where to purge and when to cheat
we lie, we cry but smile at others
trigger ourselves under the cover
and yet we fake control, put it down on our own vanity
while we scream, we die and lose our sanity
and become bones covered by skin
‘I’d die happy if I were thin’
Reasons to fast this Friday, Monday and Wednesday.
1. binged 3 days in a row
2. have activities with family this weekend that involve food
3. Interview for a traineeship is coming up, need to look presentable
4. Need to undo the damage of this week
5. got to catch up with my Skinny by NYE plan
Another day successfully completed. Avoided an evening snack by telling me to do some work and it did work. Just a few more days before I am back at my safe weight and then I will drop some more pounds and perhaps by NYE I will not be skinny, but at least have reached a new goal weight.
when you’re calmly perusing ed blogs and you see someone who’s gw is like 80 lbs and their current weight is like 85 and you’re just ??????? and you feel bad because obviously they’re suffering and very very ill and need help and you want them to recovery bc everyone is beautiful but some awful part of you is so.. so.. jealous,,, because she’s just so skinny
Guess what. I fail at everything and am now up to 150lbs, great job. I never felt so fat in my life.
skeleton--skin